I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
