Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
