another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
