there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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