i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
