just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
