we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
