She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You are the jesus of drinking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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