So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
