He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
