I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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