I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
