It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
