I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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