Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want a musical about memes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize