You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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