btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
