I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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