So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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