If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
