New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
