i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
