I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
