The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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