i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
