Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
