Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
