Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
