everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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