so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
