Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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