if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone signed my nipple.
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