I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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