she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
