Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
