I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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