I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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