Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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