stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
