Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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