It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
