I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I look better un-naked...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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