did you get engaged???
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
