it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
