I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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