I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
