You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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