yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
