apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
