you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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