I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
